As a Matter of Fact
Years ago, my mom called to tell me that someone she knew had sent her a picture of me that had appeared in her local paper. The woman had said, “I had no idea your daughter was so pretty.” My mom insisted that it really was the very best picture that she had ever seen of me — “You look so good,” she said. “I can’t get over it.” I had no idea what picture she was talking about and asked to see it. What arrived was a photo of the wonderful writer, Julia Alvarez, with my name under it. We had read in the same series and the names and photos got mixed up. I called my mom immediately to say “That’s not me!” She said: “But it says it’s you.”
When I was in elementary school, there was a young teacher who, when reading aloud, from a Beverly Cleary book, pronounced Gee with a hard G. Gee, Henry. I remember making eye contact with a friend, completely confused, and also excited that we knew something she didn’t. It was an important lesson for an eight-year-old — don’t believe everything you hear — and it was good prep for two years later when a Sunday School teacher told our class that when a child is born with problems, it’s God’s way of punishing the parents for something they have done wrong. Fueled perhaps by those awful patent leather shoes and white socks and itchy sashed dress I hated, as well as by the great love I had for my uncle who had been born with a lot of problems, and my grandmother who was loving and entirely devoted to him, I said: “I don’t believe that. It isn’t true.” She said “It is true. It’s God’s will.” Now I had another reason to dislike Sunday School. I was lucky that my parents agreed with me, and I like to think that had I blown the whistle (I wish I had blown that whistle) that the pastor would have felt a responsibility to address the dangers of such harsh, close-minded opinions.
Then there was the teacher in high school who was talking about the nigger river and I have never regretted raising my hand that day to say that there was no such river; I said there was a Niger River, only to be told that there were TWO rivers, and that I was being rude. Fueled that time by the nervous laughs of classmates who also knew better, I said that I would go to the map and locate the Niger River if he would locate the other. I was sent to my seat with conduct demerits. But what I got — other than a story I have told for the past 45 years — was the great satisfaction of questioning something I knew was not true. I also received reassurance from teachers I reported the incident to, teachers I trusted and who successfully delivered and taught important scientific and mathematical and geographical facts, teachers who taught us how to write research papers and the importance of always having several reputable sources to back up an argument. Facts cannot be denied, and all of these experiences came back to me when my daughter was growing up with a severe nut allergy, and a trace of a nut on a shared knife could require use of an Epi-pen and a trip to the emergency room. And yet, she was often surrounded by adults — many whom she genuinely loved and wanted to trust — who would say, “well, just a little won’t hurt you, honey.” But she had to be taught that yes a little bit would, that in fact it would endanger her life. These people surely did not mean to hurt her, yet their ignorance of the facts could have killed her.
These days, I can’t help but imagine how I would have felt if these smart and honest teachers I trusted and depended on, had supported and defended that teacher’s proclamation that there is a nigger river, and that there was no need to even consider the fact that it could not be found on any map of the known universe.
As someone who has taught for over thirty years, I will gladly admit that it is embarrassing as a teacher to mispronounce something or make a mistake, to forget some important detail in a student’s work that makes all the difference. But it happens; we are human, and I still believe that the smartest way out is to admit the error and apologize. Everyone lands in a better place.
And, those times when there is an urge to fake it, I hear my high school Latin teacher (a woman completely devoted to scholarship) say: tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt, a quote that, when researched, gets attributed to Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain and a host of others, but Proverbs 17:28 is a likely source. “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”
For four years we’ve been listening to rambling word-salad boasts by a self-proclaimed genius who has never once admitted to being wrong. There are so many — too many — historical instances of those times when it was not wise to follow the leader. We are currently living one. In the Jonestown tragedy, we later learned there were people who had changed their minds, had grasped the horrible truth about their leader, but it was too late. They had already drunk the kool-aid.
Follow the Leader. Simon Says. Children’s games founded on mimicry, games that often leave the followers in ridiculous, hard to hold positions — you moved- you’re out! It’s also important to note that in Simon Says, it is considered cheating when Simple Simon gives an order that is illogical. Simon says kiss your elbow. Simon says inject bleach to clean your lungs.
I like to think that if my mother saw me in a line-up, she would be able to identify me; but even with DNA proof and the fact that I was right there in front of her, she might still believe that I would look more like myself if I styled my hair and smiled exactly as Julia Alvarez had in that very good photograph of me that once appeared in her friend’s local paper. Fact. Belief.
There are facts and there are beliefs. Fact: the Hale-Bopp comet with an orbital period of 2,533 years, passed earth in 1997. Belief: Members of the religious cult, Heaven’s Gate, decided that if they put on new Nikes and killed themselves they could hitch a ride on it. Fact: Colorado does not border Mexico. Fact: More than 200,000 Americans have died from COVID. Fact: Frederick Douglass died in 1895. Fact: many of the figures currently touted about the economy and employment are incorrect. Fact: a good day on Wall Street doesn’t put food on the table. Fact: there is a long history of successful elections conducted by mail-in ballots.
Fact: election day is November 3rd, 2020 and the future direction of this country depends on it. Fact: Democracy as we know it is at stake. Fact: Our earth is at stake. Fact: Humanity is at stake. Fact: We need to vote like our lives depend on it. Belief: We need to vote like our lives depend on it. Because they do.
Jill McCorkle, a native of North Carolina, is the author of four story collections and seven novels, most recently Hieroglyphics. Her work has been published in many periodicals and included in Best American Short Stories. She is core faculty in the Bennington Writing Seminars and affiliated with the MFA Program at NC State University.